Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
