I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
