Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
