The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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