Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
