Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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