We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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