I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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