well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
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smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
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blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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