I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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