White coat. Heels.
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
