I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
