and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
