Whod you bang
Will you blow on my dice?
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
