Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
