It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
