I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
