Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
i out mim tonsoeep
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
