i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
