Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
