His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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