omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
