rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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