im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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