You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
