I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
