Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
