piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
