I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I wish you could order shots online.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
