i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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