I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
We're not piercing ourselves today.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
