she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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