Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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