i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
