dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
