From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
