I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
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we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
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It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
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