We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
