I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
