i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
