tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
birth control should be required to get into college
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
