I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
