You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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