is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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