just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
