i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
