Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
