toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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