apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
