Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
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