if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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