You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
