He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
