I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
