I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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