I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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