If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
