Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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