I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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