Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
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cat food counts as protein by the way
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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